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Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views by: Carl "JC" Pantejo
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| Tuesday, November 18, 2008 |
"Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that is good in life ..."
* Below is the tenth episode of a series of events of real life lived by the author. The only deviations from the truth May the names of people and places. The stories are also incorporated in "My Friend Yu - The Prosperity Mentor: Book II," Pantejo - YN Vurce Publishing. Release date: 2008.
Last week, a distress Farang (Thai: foreign) of my friends called me. He came to break-up with its "umpteenth" girlfriend. He asked me over for a couple of beers. Confused, hurt and angry, he did not know why every relationship he had in Thailand has ended up in ruins.
During our conversation, I explained some important differences between Asia and Western cultures to him. After our beer and bullshit session, he realized that he had been blind to the many cultural differences I pointed out. He also saw that many of her relationship problems were the result of cultural ignorance.
It is clear to see that he was still trying to live his life, especially in the service relationship, as if she was still in the West.
The following article presents the points I raised during our discussion.
Please note: Although the words "Thai" and "Thai" appear often, cultural differences represented in this article can be generalized (just) to most other Asian countries (for example, the Philippines, Malaysia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Indonesia, etc).
- Invisible comfort zones --
"Freedom and independence are concepts very difficult for Asian people to understand.
In the West, avoiding physical contact is unjustified respectable and courteous thing to do.
Most Westerners have an invisible, 3 'x 3' "comfort zone" of privacy around them. Respecting this area and will enter only with permission of its owner. Even when circumstances prevent the continuation of that zone (for example, subways, buses, and rock concerts, etc.), most Westerners always try to avoid casual physical contact.
Physical contact (outside the contact sport of the scene) is reserved for relatives, friends and lovers. In fact, it is a supreme showing affection and regarded as a highly private.
But invisible sectors of privacy does not exist in Asia.
From a young age, especially in large cities, Asians are sandwiched together (in a way that would be totally illegal in the West) in cars, buses, vans, jeepneys, taxis, trains, motorcycle taxis, etc.
It is not uncommon to see four or five people riding on the little scooters.
- Claustrophobia? Not in Asia --
From the tiny apartment filled with a dozen people to surcharge lifts and crowded supermarkets, Asians take hordes of people and physical contact between foreigners as a normal part of life.
A Westerner who are not accustomed to this cultural can easily decide that all Asians are rude - lack of respect for people and property. In fact, anyone who has been in Asia for any length of time will tell you cold when you will inevitably find a stranger sitting comfortably on your bike parking and behave as it sounds!
It's just the way it is.
To accept it and move forward (or combat and attract misery).
- Affection or not, important or not? --
Because of this fundamental difference in the basic belief of privacy, interpersonal relationships can be fraught with miscommunication. For example, just because a woman is sitting near a man (or in some type of physical contact) does not automatically mean they are romantic partners.
This becomes a difficult situation for a man from Western Asia woman. It searches and allows entry into its "comfort zone." But what he sees as some signs of affection and interest May mean nothing to women.
Of course, getting the attention and immediate physical contact of a beautiful woman in Asia is delicious and very important to Western man.
"This woman must really like me," the man thinks.
But the level of significance is usually not a mutual feeling, especially as physical contact (even among strangers) is considered to be widespread in Asia.
In fact, as radical as this May Westerners sound, the "act of sex" can be as important to an Asian woman as brushing teeth or making his nails - just something that must be done "and could be" semi - Fun. "
In addition, as insensitive to its May Westerners - because of widespread poverty, lack of privacy, different sexual and social mores and, more importantly, totally different from money Asia, etc - an Asian woman feel more "Beloved" receiving money or gift money instead of just satisfaction steam in the bag!
Again, this goes against most Westerners. In their countries, such women are considered "suspect" - or digging mistresses or even cold heart of prostitutes.
And if Westerners do not accept these basic cultural differences in the most basic beliefs (ie, privacy, money and sex) and decided to remain in Asia, he / it will always be confused, disappointed, to profit or chronic paranoid and angry.
The differences are neither good nor bad. They are right.
- The big mistake --
The big mistake that many Westerners do is this: Despite their environment and personal interactions, they forget that Asia is not the West. Certainly, many countries in Asia are increasingly "Westernized" every year, but Asia is still ASIA.
Asian countries have developed their cultures for thousands of years, an entrenched culture that resists any quick, drastic changes.
Farang who never forget they are foreigners and that "Asia is Asia, not the West" well done. They are professionally managed and make many friends.
Farang who stubbornly trying to live their lives in Asia as if it were the West suffer a lot. They are turned down for jobs and are very distant from the people around them (Asians and farangs like).
- Respect or dependency? --
From a young age, Thais are taught to "good" in a system deeply rooted culture of dependency.
Children depend on their parents to adulthood. It is common for an adult Thai person (even in their mid-twenties or early thirties), especially unmarried adults to remain with their foster parents; save a lot of money by avoiding major projects bills and rent large equipment purchases.
But if Thailand is an adult living with his parents or not, he / she will almost always be a part of the monthly wage for parents. The only exception to this rule is the low percentage of the rich Thais who do not need financial support from their children.
So when the child can earn money, parents expect Thai money. Their parents installation of a personal budget assuming that their children will provide monthly financial support for them - in perpetuity.
If money does not materialize, parents lay in the "ultimate guilt factor" (something to escape to the West) and quickly recall the adult children of all the sacrifices made to raise them.
In this way, family ties are more "enhanced".
- The family ties of steel --
Over the millennia, Asians have survived overpopulation, poverty, wars and especially by maintaining a culture that promotes the company of family obligations - obligations that are outrageously rigid mandatory by Western standards.
In the West, as soon as children become adults, they are called to provide for themselves. Unless they go to college, children are no longer the responsibility of parents. Parents are relieved of their parental duties and revel in their children's independence.
Adult children in the labor market and begin to support themselves. They are not obliged to support their aging parents.
- Wise advice to all Westerners --
Never get between an Asian woman and her family - you lose.
"Saam Nuk Khun Bun" is an integral part of Thai culture. This is the unbreakable connection and respect for parents. Because packaging and culture, children are making great efforts to show their parents how much they love and respect them.
They will work in any employment (including prostitution) until exhaustion to send money to their parents. They are stingy - eating cheap food and living in a stifling small apartment - to send money to their parents.
In addition, if a claiming is equipped for his support and his family, an Asian woman tolerate unfulfilling relationship (for years, even a lifetime) with someone they absolutely do not like or the love.
In a less dramatic fashion, younger siblings are treated (and supported) in the same way that parents are.
- "The importance" in a Nutshell --
1. Asian survive mainly through family ties
2. Logically, if you are not considered "family" you are not important for their survival and, therefore, not of any importance.
3. To be fully taken into account "the family", financial support is provided.
4. Money is not only "money" in Asia, it can mean everything (life / death, love / hate, marriage / celibacy, happiness / sadness, etc.)
So do not be surprised if your girlfriend Asian expects you to "show your love" by supporting her, her parents and her younger brother or sister.
- Hope for love? --
The combined effect of all cultural differences is insurmountable for most - leading to fast, but common disappearance of the Western Region and Asia relationship.
A stated bluntly, the vast majority (90%) of all Western and Asian relationships simply do not work on.
Whatever the grim statistics, thousands of people continue to enter into a Western Region and Asia each year relationship. For them, it (the attempt Western / Asia relationship) is not a hopeless undertaking.
Where there is a will, there is a path.
There really is hope for my friend distraught farangs (or any other Westerner who fell in love with Asia) ...
- Continued in "The experience of" The Flow "(11) --
"Until next time, find" The flow and jump! "
Your friend Intrepid in this journey called life,
Carl "J.C." Pantejo
Farang, Asia, Thailand, culture, differences in basic beliefs, money, sex, privacy, respect, the crowd, feeling mutual.
Note: If you want to know more about Western Asia and cultural differences, finding unconditional love, past exorcise personal demons, and Illusive secret of happiness, please read the following articles:
"The experience of" flow ": From Heartbreak to Happiness"
"The experience of" flow "(2): coincidence or Synchronicity: DE relapse in miracles ..."
"The experience of" flow "(3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and mistakes made in haste."
"The experience of" flow "(4): LOST AND FOUND - supposed to be?"
"The experience of" flow "(5):" The Stray "
"The experience of" flow "(6):" New Beginnings, Old Endings "
"The experience of" Traffic "(7) - Living Well? Farang and Finance: The Myth"
"The experience of" flow "(8) Living Well? Farang and Finance: reality, stupidity, and Hard Knocks. "
"The experience of" flow "(9): New Girlfriend, New Life".
"How dare she! In desperation, I learned to forgive"
"Remember who you are!"
"It is necessary to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read more. Heartbreak overcome and learn from Illusive Secret of Happiness.
(By Carl "JC" and published Pantejo Internet wide, keyword: [title of the article] or "Carl Pantejo")
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
About the author
By Carl "JC" Pantejo, Copyright February 2008
(Author "My Friend Yu - The Prosperity Mentor," Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - YN Vurce Publishing.)
He is a former U.S. military veteran. Believing that the school was too boring, he quit school prematurely, only to get an AA, BS and an MBA in less than 4 years, much later in life - while working full time As a Navy / Marine Corps Medic. Despite a fear of heights and deep water, it freefall parachute on planes and dive ops carried out in very deep water from the open ocean.
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
http://www.ynvurcepublishing.com
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posted by neptunus @ 5:25 PM
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